Gillette Goes That Far

The following video encourages men to "trim the bush to make the tree look taller". No, I'm not kidding.

So...

Apparently there are big ol' denials that the Abu Ghraib photos include acts of rape. (Or perhaps, if you are so inclined, "rape.") That's all fine and dandy. Everyone has an opinion on the whole thing, and we are probably guaranteed to never know the truth, and all is still well in the world... Megan, on Jezebel, had an interesting post in reaction to crazy lady Susannah Breslin's take on the whole situation. In her post, Breslin says such totally harmless things as a) these pictures will probably give hard-ons to the whole country because there is genitalia involved (happy early birthday, America!), b) they are pornographic (see Megan's response to that-- it is amazing), and c) (though not in so many words) because these are pictures of rape-in-quotation-marks, then those pics that depict non-penis rape are probably not rape at all! This is an excellent theory, Susannah! And I would just like to end by saying, congrats survivors of non-phallus rape, you were never even raped! And I bet you didn't even know that! http://jezebel.com/5272167/administration-denies-reports-that-abu-ghraib-photos-depict-rape http://www.doublex.com/blog/xxfactor/abu-ghraib-photos-we-cant-bear-see

I can't help it. Another one:

see more Lol Celebs

I brake for sparkly vampires.

see more Lol Celebs

Who doesn't?

This made me laugh. The rest of the post is pretty lame. But this was worth posting http://listoftheday.blogspot.com/2009/05/motivational-posters-of-day-vol-13.html

Greatest Protest Sign Ever

http://jezebel.com/5271868/rabbit-at-jest

There is nothing else to say:

WHAT THE FUCK, AMERICA?! Seriously. If you have a weak stomach, do not read this article. Mine is churning. http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/worldnews/northamerica/usa/5395830/Abu-Ghraib-abuse-photos-show-rape.html Rape, really? Documented, really? This whole thing is disgusting and just keeps getting worse. I hope those violent, heartless, power-tripping pansies get their well earned punishment. I do not want to see the photos. Releasing them seems like a horrible idea, if only to protect the victims. The old batch looked like something out of Saw XXI, or whatever the latest torture/horror movie is, and this new batch is just beginning to sound like a snuff film... "I am not sure what purpose their release would serve other than a legal one..." Yes, a legal purpose. Each and every one of torturers-- not just the scapegoats-- AND their superiors better be investigated and tried like any American citizen would be.

FOTN will BRB. LOL.

I have two screens on my computer at work and for some reason that makes me feel all 1980s powerful and when I am bored and feeling shitty sometimes I like to pretend that I am the kid from Flight of the Navigator (FOTN) and that I am running my spaceship/cubicle through the garage door at the secret government agency that is holding me and my menagerie of aliens hostage. That was one kooky movie. How come there aren't FOTN characters running around the Disney theme parks? Why discriminate against aliens? WHY IS THERE NOT A FOTN RIDE AT DISNEY?!!?! Or a themed restaurant that has the little computer dude swing down and take your order? Why, Disney, WHY? Anyway, this is what this post was supposed to be about: http://perezhilton.com/2009-05-26-navigator-will-launch-again Also, the new script is being written by Brad Copeland, a writer for Arrested Development. This is either horribly bad news (if there aren't any illusions, then the shit is going to hit the fan, Brad) or it is totally awesome. Unclear which. I guess I will just have to wait and find out... This remake better be good or else my spaceship/cubicle is coming to get you, Disney!

The War on Hugs

Special target: The Bromance http://www.nytimes.com/2009/05/28/style/28hugs.html?_r=1&hp

Ahahah! Wuggies!

http://jezebel.com/5271399/coming-soon-weezer+brand-snuggies

Cheesus

From InTouch Magazine via Jezebel... http://jezebel.com/5271423/this-week-in-tabloids-brad--angie-fight-in-public-jon--kate-kids-suffer

Puzzle time!

Sometimes I might fight with people over what color things are. Sometimes I know they are wrong and the rest of the time I know I am right. This proves it. http://www.spectralcolor.com/game/huetest_kiosk

Creative Advertising

Well, this looks both silly and innocent. Sort of like, haha the Army decided to get a sense of humor! Riiiight. Actually, it turns out that the phone number 1-800-ARMY-OF1 does have a sense of humor, it's just slightly different than the one you might expect... http://jalopnik.com/5264612/brooklyn-lost-tank-flier-actually-sex-line-scam

Tiny Art Director

Amazingness. This guy lets his little daughter tell him what to draw. And then he does it. And then she critiques it as only a 4-year old could. tinyartdirector.blogspot.com For instance, this is the text that accompanies this picture: The Brief: A barking dog The Critique: No Daddy! I didn't ask you to sit down! Go out of this room right now daddy! Job Status: Rejected

You know what's gross?

Shockers, nee Shock Tarts. That's what. How did I used to eat these all the time? So nasty. Why did I eat the entire roll for breakfast? I think I have a problem...

The Doughman

Ironman be damned, I think I am well on my way to winning this competition. http://doughman.pratt.duke.edu/2009_race_details Oh wow. There is a training schedule. A one month, compact training schedule. Here is the suggested schedule for Week 3:

MWF -- Eat french toast and fruit for breakfast. Jog 1.5 miles. Take bath, work on windmill technique in front of mirror.

TTh -- Eat sandwich and chips for lunch. Jog around the office building 3 times. Nap.

Sat -- Eat large protein- and carb-heavy dinner, run 1.5 miles. Eat cake and ice cream for dessert. Run 1 mile.

Sun -- Eat brunch. Re-pump tires. Bike 30 minutes. Practice following traffic laws. Eat snack. Bike another 30 minutes.

Giggles and blowjobs!

What Does "Power Bottom" Mean? from Pot Psychology on Vimeo.

Cake or Death?

For the Eddie Izzard fans: Cake or Death, NOW WITH LEGOS!!

jesus

Let's talk about anxiety. I'm struggling with that anyway today and then I come to find this out: On Tuesday, the California Supreme Court will issue its ruling in our Prop 8 legal challenge. And now I want to curl up in a ball until 10am (CA time) and eat my anxieties away with a pint of Phish Food and some chicken fingers. God, this better turn out well. I was feeling some sort of love for some of the citizens of America. Don't fuck this up, California!

Happy Pi Friday!

I like these kids

http://www.thesneeze.com/2009/the-mystery-of-the-face-on-the-butt.php I also really like their Dad. See why in the post about why he calls one of his kids "Raisins" http://www.thesneeze.com/2007/raisins-2007.php

I was a bitch.

And now I am not. Thanks to this amazing find: http://jezebel.com/5264618/i-have-been-wearing-this-shirt-for-about-15-weeks-and-i-have-not-needed-to-wash-it For those too lazy to read that teeny post, let me pull out the important links for you. All you need to do is click on them, examine the product, and then scroll down to the customer reviews at which point you will commence laughing. Ready! Set! Go! Three Wolf Moon T-Shirt, Available In Various Sizes [Amazon.com] Uranium Ore [Amazon.com] Tuscan Whole Milk, 1 Gallon, 128 fl oz [Amazon.com] How To Live With A Huge Penis: Advice, Meditations, And Wisdom For Men Who Have Too Much [Amazon.com]

Musical Interlude

This: But even better, this: Thanks, Sara!

From Aunt Lisa from Alaska

Fail of the day

see more Fail Blog

My dad, the outlier

Apparently fathers with daughters are more likely to be feminists. My dad-- the one who still thinks it's funny to make jokes that call women "cows"-- seems to have broken the mold. Way to go, Pops! http://jezebel.com/5262701/sometimes-it-takes-a-daughter-to-make-a-man-a-feminist Disclaimer: My dad is actually an awesome person and would definitely be a liberal, feminist politician were he to be given such power (please, please, please never give the Gold family that much power!), I just can't stand his fucking "cow" jokes. Grrr.

(Rockaway) Beaches

[Look left] Bette Midler? 50 Cent? Together? AMAZING. [Look right] Why? Because of the kids! Think of the fun!

Pictures of the day

Pictures of the day: Some are funny. Some are disturbing. Some are interesting. Some are a combo of those things. http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/picturegalleries/picturesoftheday/

Hmm.

So this article basically says that we need to be very cautious about the way we equate "empathy" in the search for a new Supreme Court Justice with the gender of the judge. In other words because Obama suggested that he wanted someone with more empathy, the pundits and general public have taken that to mean that the justice is going to be a woman (nevermind the fact that 5 out of 6 of his shortlist are women...). Because of this, stereotypes and unreasonable expectations abound (Women = empathetic. Men = not.) and the country is left with continued divides and expectations between the genders. This paragraph from the article sums it up: At the risk of sounding like Chief Justice John Roberts, the notion of difference based on gender merely reinforces more divisions based upon gender. It suggests women should be judged by different criteria and enables attacks upon a woman based on the fact that she either fails to measure up to men or is somehow untrue to her own gender. Anyway, I found it all very interesting and nothing I had really thought about because I was too excited about a) the possibility of a new liberal Justice, and b) the fact that it is summer and getting dressed is super easy now-- sundresses ahoy! I do, however, feel incredible empathy towards you men who are still stuck matching pants and a shirt... [Here's the article that I forgot to link to before... http://www.slate.com/id/2218755/]

Stoner humor

Graffiti Humor

http://listverse.com/humor/top-12-examples-of-graffiti-humor/

Entertaining.

Short and to the point. Condensed Movie Plots For example: GOOD WILL HUNTING Matt Damon: I'm smart, but so what? Let's start fights and pick up chicks. Robin Williams: If you push people away, they can't be close to you. Matt Damon: SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP you fixed me thank you I love you. (cries) THE END

Gee, I feel so unaccomplished...

The ever-logical city of LA has created a screening process for kids ages 10-15 in order to prevent/predict future gang violence. This involves sitting down and taking a multiple choice test. Of course this is a great idea for many reasons. Most of them involve manpower and stupidity. Gawker, as always, made me laugh with their response: http://gawker.com/5262653/are-you-a-future-gangster. They got the article from the WSJ and while I appear to be too lazy to actually read it all, I did find a link to the actual test... Study up, fuckers! http://online.wsj.com/public/resources/documents/gangs-test-05202009.pdf

There's nothing all that interesting here

I just loved the title of this post:

If They Make Footloose With Sparklevampires You Will Be In Heaven

Also, they are making the fourth Twilight movie. And given my current location in said book I am more than a little scared for this film. Not in a good way. Trust me.

Well, there goes that idea...

All the financial/caloric planning from the last post and I am stuck with some nasty looking grease bowl and not the pile of golden, sexy goodness I was saving my $1.50 for... ASSHOLES! More examples of fast food false advertising and general douchebaggery here: http://listoftheday.blogspot.com/2009/05/fast-food-ads-vs-reality-pics-of-day.html

Financial Planning

I'm soon to be a student again so it's time to get my ass on a budget, and some fast food in my face. May as well be economical about it... http://www.thebigmoney.com/articles/judgments/2009/05/17/big-max

Sort of genius.

So straightforward and logical. Why the fuck not? Why shouldn't a town in desperate need of jobs offer a government in desperate need of jail space a solution-- a request to house 100 Guantanamo detainees in order to bring about new jobs in the community? http://thinkprogress.org/2009/05/18/hardin-montana-guantanamo/

Aww.

How is this not an amazing moment in American history? It's the quiet, simple moments that change the world. President Barack Obama bends over so the son of a White House staff member can pat his head during a family visit to the Oval Office May 8, 2009. The youngster wanted to see if the President's haircut felt like his own. http://www.flickr.com/photos/whitehouse/3532376714/

Granola bar or swamp rat?

You see, I read "nutria" and thought it was a protein bar. I am sadly mistaken. http://gawker.com/5248694/wal%20mart-sued-for-housing-giant-swamp-rat

The Final Frontier

The Atlantis in flight. Pretty amazing.

Auto-Tune the News is back for more!

I agree with Sara (thanks for this btw), this is the best one yet.

The return of Will Ferrell

Chinamen... offensive AND funny! There is very little that is better in this world than SNL Jeopardy. Not the best skit ever(given that SNL sort of sucks) but also pretty funny.

Apparently it is animal day here at A4D. Woohoo!

I can't say this is pleasant to listen to, but OMG this dog is so f-ing cute I might be willing to listen to his weird toddler like cries. Thanks, Paul!

How could this be cuter?

Two squirrels struggle to get the baby squirrel up the wall. Amazing.

Also, Mr. Top...

Dear Carrot Top, Love, Henry

The International Appeal of Crumpets

This showed up in my e-mail a few weeks ago. I have been trying to make sense of it ever since. Even the most stringent Anne of Green Gables devotees are baffled -- one even remarked that "this is going to be the most ironically awesome Kenyan school EVER."
And digging deeper into the official website just makes matters worse. Will this new school teach the students how to host an Anne-themed Summer Party? Or better yet, how to prepare "dainty sandwiches" for High Tea?
And, if so, where do I enroll?

This Might Make You Hungry

I wonder if you have to wipe the mayo off the scanner afterwards? http://scanwiches.com/

OH MY GOD I FUCKING LOVE FROOT LOOPS.

Have you seen this picture?

Because it is awesome. http://www.foundshit.com/seen-awesome-cat-sign/

Look.

This is what I want for my birthday. No exceptions. Understand? 1. A Chuck Norris cake. 2. To scoop Cake Wrecks on a story again. 3. Chuck Norris. Please work on that. Gracias. In addition, I would suggest getting started on your Hannah Gold facts. For example, I learned yesterday (and a few years ago when these first came out) that Chuck Norris does not sleep, he waits. Who knew? Now let's transfer this to my life: Hannah Gold does not wait, she sleeps. See how this works? Another example: Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door; Hannah Gold often slams into revolving doors. Got it? You may begin... now!

Group Sex?

Yep. No. What these news articles have been referring to is gang rape... I'm impressed with the Australian television network that called the National Rugby League and the individual players out. And, of course, the victims/survivors. It would still be really spectacular if someone referred to this gang rape as something beyond a "sex romp" because-- and I may be confused here-- it seems like a sex romp might be a good time and a gang rape might be a violent, violating and illegal act. But, again, I could be wrong here... http://jezebel.com/5252283/australia-abuzz-over-rugby-league-group-sex-scandal

Belated for Mother's Day

Trust Mr. T to know what's up. Somewhere Eddie Murphy is really glad that I didn't post "Party All the Time".

From the fam

My aunt sent this to my family. For some reason it made me giggle. It might be because I was still at work at 9pm. Or it could be because I have the sense of humor of a stoned Woodstock attendee approximately 30 years later. That might have something to do with it... Anyway, this won't embed, so here's the link. Joe Cocker is sort of amazing. As is his tie-dyed shirt. http://www.elwp.com/Joe%20Cocker.html

It's been awhile

Here's an excellent Fuck You Penguin post for you! http://fuckyoupenguin.blogspot.com/2009/05/what-is-even-going-on-here.html

Obama? Please. They've got a 92% acceptance rate for a reason, asshole!

The Daily Show With Jon Stewart	M - Th 11p / 10c
Arizona State Snubs Obama
thedailyshow.com
Daily Show Full Episodes Economic Crisis Political Humor

Lions and tigers and bears... yikes!

http://toomuchnick.com/post/104262403/ohmygolly-ill-handle-this-lolwut

When you feel like you need more cowbell...

Get your scissors ready and prepare yourself for the ever useful Christopher Walken cutout mask! Woohoo! http://www.brandonbird.com/walken_cutout.gif

Get your crayons sharpened, kids!

It's the Law & Order coloring book! YAAAAAAAAAAAY! Click here: http://www.brandonbird.com/lno_color.html

Oh dear. I've found a treasure trove.

How am I supposed to get any work done? Ever? This site might have ruined my life. http://awkwardfamilyphotos.com/

This is what happens when you click on JEA's links...

Apparently you learn that you were born as Mrs. Claus in Santa's little village and you were in charge of the poor kids' presents. Also, you hated Jesus. Excellent work, Past Life Analysis Machine! http://www.thebigview.com/pastlife/ Your past life diagnosis:

---

I don't know how you feel about it, but you were female in your last earthly incarnation.You were born somewhere in the territory of modern Arctic around the year 700. Your profession was that of a dramatist, director, musician or bard.

---

Your brief psychological profile in your past life: You were a sane, practical person, a materialist with no spiritual consciousness. Your simple wisdom helped the weaker and the poor.

---

The lesson that your last past life brought to your present incarnation: You should develop your talent for love, happiness and enthusiasm and you should distribute these feelings to all people.

---

Do you remember now?

NOM NOM NOM

Good work Mr. Beauty Pageant Guy! [I can't figure out how to embed the video. Which blows. Check the link below.] 42-fucking-percent of donations go to that crazy woman's salary?! Are you kidding? I mean, I have little respect for the crazy conservative "gays will eat your babies and kill our religion" stance, but come on! They deserve to not be swindled as much as the rest of us... http://jezebel.com/5249464/miss-california-official-goes-after-intolerance-by-name

From JEA who believes she is not good enough to post (hi Paul!)

Arby's Could Get You Pregnant - watch more funny videos

Dorks!

I wanted this to be more entertaining than it is. I am still a little confused by it because I am a special lady. But, here it is: dorkyearbook.com

Oh wow.

A few things: a) The first few shots of this video were filmed approx 3 blocks from Sara's house. JT and Andy were there and no one knew. That is bullshit. b) Dick in a Box is fucking hysterical. To quote JT and Andy themselves, this is the second best idea they have ever had. c) Susan Sarandon! Patricia Clarkson! HOT! That is all.

"Fantasy-based mold-making" says it all

Hi. This is Emily. Hannah is letting me be a guest here. You can criticize her judgement. Seeing Mine That Bird's "gorgeously graceful sprint to the finish" in the Kentucky Derby did not making me want to look like a horse. But hey, everyone has their own fetishes. And you thought having a horseface was bad.... http://news.cnet.com/8301-17938_105-10233215-1.html

Sara said it best:

gross. http://jezebel.com/5247975/texas-charging-rape-victims-for-rape-kits

My dumb work computer won't let me look at these

But Jessica sent me a link that looks like it has the potential to be highly entertaining... Simple premise: crying while eating Simple name: Crying While Eating Simple link: www.cryingwhileeating.com

Something soothing after that vicious cat attack...

A Mother's Day tribute from six awesome artists. http://www.nytimes.com/interactive/2009/05/06/opinion/20090510-OPART.html

AHHHH!

Jess sent me this, I think.

For the NYers

http://blog.oneplusinfinity.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/05/fakesubwayadvisoryjpg.jpeg

This convo speaks for itself

5:24 PM Jennifer: this makes me think of you

http://www.ajc.com/living/content/living/stories/2009/05/06/zoo_atlanta_mole_rat.html

may you one day be the queen of your own naked mole colony

I fucking miss Williamsburg

No, no, no YOU look at this fucking hipster! http://www.latfh.com/

Oh jeez.

Wow. So, this is from Cake Wrecks yesterday. I looked at it and was both entertained and disturbed by its "thanks for not performing a home abortion on me" sentiment... turns out I should pay more attention to all of the details. Louis Vuitton and the note below the cake, this should have given it away, but, alas, it did not. Until a minute ago when I had an AHA! moment and realized that they were not talking about this: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Coathanger_abortion But instead talking about this: Who knew? Either way, maybe someone should rethink their sense of humor. Or maybe some mother should get her ass in gear and change her will. Just saying...

More! More!

I'm Pleased as Fuck

nataliedee.com

Useful Information

The weather: http://thefuckingweather.com/

WWBBM?

http://www.thefoodsection.com/foodsection/2009/04/brian-boitano-food-network-star.html Often, when I am standing in the supermarket, looking around, feeling slightly lost and without any direction I think to myself "What WOULD Brian Boitano make?" and then I glide towards the gayest food I can find. Bring me those olive green "WWBBM" jelly bracelets, I feel a marketable product coming on!! This is already embedded in the link, but those too lazy or uninterested might enjoy this little earworm. I haven't stopped singing it all day... Thanks, Emily!

Ergh. Since DMB won't post it, I will.

Now, some of you might be feeling the effects of the economy, we all are. Some have lost their jobs, others hate their jobs and have lost hope. But really, the most tragic situation of all is that everyone's dream job is no longer in existence. It's gone before I even knew it existed... http://www.wired.com/underwire/2009/05/disney-calls-off-boob-cops-on-thrill-rides/

Scary Stories

Pretty much what you'd expect from a man who scares the shit out of anyone by talking in a voice that could put babies to sleep instantly...

Speechless

Wow. Dirty, Sexy, Money takes on a whole new meaning...

Obsessions

I LOVE books. I have them everywhere. I found a few floating around in my car the other day. Due to this obsession I love libraries. I want to see these cool things at the NY Public Library please! Some of the stuff at the end of the group of pics are really cool. Like Charles Dickens's copy of A Christmas Carol that he used to do readings and it has notes on audience reaction and voice changes, etc in the margins. That shit is amazing. Blah blah blah... http://gothamist.com/2009/05/05/nypl.php

OMG! I knew I had forgotten something!

I meant to post this a while ago. It's pretty awesome. I'm not going to lie.

This is old. And still gross.

http://www.meatcards.com/

Take that all you round-bellied assholes!

This is maybe funny, maybe annoying. But I appreciate their use of the term bitch.

Moment of Zen.

This is really amazing. And beautiful. And did I mention amazing? http://www.weirdasianews.com/2009/04/28/footprints-wood-prayer-story-buddhist-monk/

Hustler for Kids = Ranger Rick gone bad.

Please read this. If only to see Larry Flynt's response. Also to be entertained/scared shitless of Charles Manson's pen pal abilities. And boy does he have some... I like the Unabomber's as well. He seems down to earth and stable, which makes him all the more insane. http://www.thecuriouslife.com/?p=76

Umm, California, we're still waiting...

Go Maine!!!! http://www.cnn.com/2009/POLITICS/05/06/maine.same.sex.marriage/

Genius.

Oh Chuck, you had me at Croatian bakery! http://www.croatiantimes.com/index.php?id=3713

This is what I am currently reading. Because I am awesome.

http://www.chroniclebooks.com/images/items/9781594/9781594743344/9781594743344_large.jpg

Mouth Watering

http://hospitalfood.tumblr.com/

Drumline*, please!

Justice Scalia, you got served**, honey***! (You should probably stomp the yard**** and whatnot...) http://www.abajournal.com I can't wait for law school... and for TBS to re-run all my favorite Blaxsploitation films... * Watch it. **Watch it as well ***Also good for watching ****Jesus Christ, get a fucking television!