Oct 29, 2009

Big news.

Tomorrow my pupster is going to doggy daycare for the first time because otherwise I will get all Susan Smith on him since he does things like stand on my head when I am trying to take a nap, and if there is one thing every creature should know in this world it is that you do not fuck with a student who is trying to take a nap. Being cute is not a legitimate excuse. If I kill him because my memo is stressing me out I am going to be sad about that when it is finally done and I am bored, and that is stupid. So instead I am shipping him off to wear himself out with the other psycho dogs and I feel a little sad about it. Like first day of kindergarten sad. Speaking of which, on Sunday said doggy is "graduating" from puppy training classes. There will be awards and mortarboards and by god, if there are not refreshments I am going to lash out verbally at somebody. That is a promise. Anyway, send good thoughts my way tomorrow as I pack Charlie's lunch and draw a heart in the peanut butter and send him in his new school clothes to daycare and then I will probably cry in the car both because my dog is a doofus and will most likely roll in at least three piles of excrement in one day, and also because I am fucking tired and ready for it to be vacation.
The end.
P.S. The fucking squirrels ate my motherfucking pumpkins that I put on the front porch. WHO DOES THAT?!?!?! It's official, I need a fucking BB gun...

Reborn as Porn

I imagine this site to be totally offensive, totally hysterical and totally punny. I cannot say for sure what it actually looks like because I am in the library and I get the impression that the jacktard of a strawberry-blonde haired douchebag sitting near me might not like to see the Ghostbusters ghost with an oversized anus (Yeah, I looked at the first one. So sue me. (Ha. Lawyer joke. Ha. Not funny.)). Or maybe he would like to see some Ghostbusters anal... that might just make sense, maybe that's what his popped collar is all about...

The original MILFs (I hate that term...)

My Mom, the Style Icon.
Not mine personally, but I have some photos I could send in. Most of these moms are absolutely beautiful, and all of them are superiorly retro. Sassytime.

Oct 27, 2009

Sugar! Sugar! Sugar!

How does this man live this way and how did I not know about it?

Your little boy is a little homo?

Afraid to take him out dressed like the fairy that he is? Well The Onion has some sensible Halloween costumes for your effeminate little man. Enjoy.

Work poop!


You have sexually transmitted crazy mouth. Dealbreaker.

Yay for people doing good things!

William and Mary's homecoming queen this year is a trannie. Fuck yes. And the homecoming king is a super religious kid who loves Jessee the trannie (dear parents, fucking with names is dumb.) and is pysched to be walking down the aisle with her (ahem, zir. My mistake). According to one of the comments that I can't seem to find again...
If you want to be either entertained or disgusted (or both!) read the comments. If you would prefer to just be excited for the conservative South then stick with the article.

For the love of Facebook

Thank you Facebook, thank you for knowing me so well! I'm fucking psyched for this!
This was my advertisement this morning:


Our dear friend Daniel would like to add the following to the exciting costume list. Sexy!

Normally I hate Halloween...

But with the onslaught of racist, offensive and generally slutty Halloween costumes, this year is going to be so much more fun! http://www.buzzfeed.com/peggy/politically-incorrect-halloween-costumes/ http://boingboing.net/2007/10/08/anna-rexia-halloween.html http://jezebel.com/5379221/if-youre-going-to-wear-a-sexy-halloween-costume-at-least-be-creative-about-it

Oct 24, 2009

Untitled II

Have you annoyed your cubemates today?

What a great tagline...
I might have been searching the world wide web for Golden Girls sound bytes. I might have stumbled across this gem while doing so. And I might have listened to all of them. Repeatedly. You might want to do the same.
I might have become personally attached to the one from 2002-12-03 (fucking foreigners and their fucked up dates). I might listen to it regularly in order to scare my dog. But that would just be cruel, now wouldn't it?
Here's the homepage for a more diverse array of annoying clips. http://www.dailywav.com/index.php

Theme of the day? Foreign Sexytime!

(NSFW. You should just assume that from now on. No more warnings, kids. Don't make me turn this blog around and go home.)
This is what the Jezebel ladies (and gentlemen) had to say about it. http://jezebel.com/5388663/a-lingerie-commercial-with-a-message-but-what


That is all.

The Sneeze

A) an amazingly funny account of being a nerd and a dad to nerdy, weird children.
B) an amazingly funny account of being a nerd and a child of a nerdy, weird dad.
C) an amazingly funny account of being a nerd
And in mildy unrelated news, watch this:

Oct 2, 2009