Oct 29, 2009
Tomorrow my pupster is going to doggy daycare for the first time because otherwise I will get all Susan Smith on him since he does things like stand on my head when I am trying to take a nap, and if there is one thing every creature should know in this world it is that you do not fuck with a student who is trying to take a nap. Being cute is not a legitimate excuse. If I kill him because my memo is stressing me out I am going to be sad about that when it is finally done and I am bored, and that is stupid. So instead I am shipping him off to wear himself out with the other psycho dogs and I feel a little sad about it. Like first day of kindergarten sad. Speaking of which, on Sunday said doggy is "graduating" from puppy training classes. There will be awards and mortarboards and by god, if there are not refreshments I am going to lash out verbally at somebody. That is a promise. Anyway, send good thoughts my way tomorrow as I pack Charlie's lunch and draw a heart in the peanut butter and send him in his new school clothes to daycare and then I will probably cry in the car both because my dog is a doofus and will most likely roll in at least three piles of excrement in one day, and also because I am fucking tired and ready for it to be vacation.
P.S. The fucking squirrels ate my motherfucking pumpkins that I put on the front porch. WHO DOES THAT?!?!?! It's official, I need a fucking BB gun...
I imagine this site to be totally offensive, totally hysterical and totally punny. I cannot say for sure what it actually looks like because I am in the library and I get the impression that the jacktard of a strawberry-blonde haired douchebag sitting near me might not like to see the Ghostbusters ghost with an oversized anus (Yeah, I looked at the first one. So sue me. (Ha. Lawyer joke. Ha. Not funny.)). Or maybe he would like to see some Ghostbusters anal... that might just make sense, maybe that's what his popped collar is all about...
Oh man, I hate people.
Oct 27, 2009
How does this man live this way and how did I not know about it?
Afraid to take him out dressed like the fairy that he is? Well The Onion has some sensible Halloween costumes for your effeminate little man. Enjoy.
Also, isn't this what Liz Lemon's latest tome is about? http://www.doublex.com/blog/xxfactor/liz-lemon-you-have-sexually-transmitted-crazy-mouth-deal-breaker-0
William and Mary's homecoming queen this year is a trannie. Fuck yes. And the homecoming king is a super religious kid who loves Jessee the trannie (dear parents, fucking with names is dumb.) and is pysched to be walking down the aisle with her (ahem, zir. My mistake). According to one of the comments that I can't seem to find again...
If you want to be either entertained or disgusted (or both!) read the comments. If you would prefer to just be excited for the conservative South then stick with the article.
Our dear friend Daniel would like to add the following to the exciting costume list. Sexy!
But with the onslaught of racist, offensive and generally slutty Halloween costumes, this year is going to be so much more fun! http://www.buzzfeed.com/peggy/politically-incorrect-halloween-costumes/ http://boingboing.net/2007/10/08/anna-rexia-halloween.html http://jezebel.com/5379221/if-youre-going-to-wear-a-sexy-halloween-costume-at-least-be-creative-about-it
Oct 24, 2009
What a great tagline...
I might have been searching the world wide web for Golden Girls sound bytes. I might have stumbled across this gem while doing so. And I might have listened to all of them. Repeatedly. You might want to do the same.
I might have become personally attached to the one from 2002-12-03 (fucking foreigners and their fucked up dates). I might listen to it regularly in order to scare my dog. But that would just be cruel, now wouldn't it?
Here's the homepage for a more diverse array of annoying clips. http://www.dailywav.com/index.php
(NSFW. You should just assume that from now on. No more warnings, kids. Don't make me turn this blog around and go home.)
That is all.
A) an amazingly funny account of being a nerd and a dad to nerdy, weird children.
Evidence: http://www.thesneeze.com/jokes-from-the-booster-seat/ ; http://www.thesneeze.com/2007/green-is-the-color-of-going-off-script.php ; http://www.thesneeze.com/mt-archives/000749.php ;
B) an amazingly funny account of being a nerd and a child of a nerdy, weird dad.
C) an amazingly funny account of being a nerd
And in mildy unrelated news, watch this:
Oct 2, 2009
Sep 13, 2009
Sep 11, 2009
(I think this joke might be way funnier in my head... get it? "a dingo ate my baby!!" Joe Wilson is stupid. Dingoes look pretty dumb. How could you not have understood this joke? What the fuck is wrong with you people?)
Things I have learned:
a. There are Mennonite groups in Bolivia (wtf?!)
b. Over 300 women (of the 2,000 members. total.) have been systematically raped
c. By other Mennonites.
d. Who only got caught because they arrived late to work in the fields and the elders got pissed.
It is interesting to contrast this pacifist, and generally peaceful (I assume), group whose targeted rapes are just now coming to light, with the documented "war-strategy" rapes in the Congo or Rwanda or Yugoslavia. For some (probably ignorant and elitist/racist/classist/etc.) reason the quiet nature of this community contrasting with the violence and violation of rape make this so much more shocking. It should not be. But it is.
Sep 4, 2009
It's Lovely! I'll Take It! http://lovelylisting.com/
I cannot stop looking at this site. A whole (huge) blog dedicated to horrible, gross, pitiful, and just weird REAL real estate listings. The photos are often rather shocking. And for some reason the author is obsessed with white stackable plastic lawn chairs. Just keep an eye out for them.
The modesty chair (and its immodest counterparts) is like the Where's Waldo for the real estate community. Like trying to explain the concept of Slaughterhouse Five, it only makes sense if you read it...
Aug 20, 2009
Hot model who has a body. And a belly. And is gorgeous. Good work Glamour!
What are you getting? I'm having a hard time ordering... Hmm... Jork? Maybe. What about Prawns to the Pill Pill? Oh, you've had better, nevermind. OH.MY.GOD. they have You Inhabit Child's Overall With Ham??!?!? That's my FAVORITE. (Do you think it's on Weight Watchers? Probably not, the ham is really fatty.... Buuut, it is child's overalls, not full size overalls. Oh, it's Osh Kosh B'Gosh overalls? Sold!) Well, I know what I'm getting. And a Diet Coke.
Aug 19, 2009
The best protest signs from the town hall meetings.
Look kids, a do it yourself circumcision kit!
For more info, there is a downloadable video. I can only imagine it is in a similar genre to Saw VI. http://www.smartklamp.com/medical/downloads.html
Poor Mugly. He was attacked by stupid teenagers the other day who kicked him and hit him. Horrible. And they tore out HIS ONLY CLUMP OF HAIR. Despicable.
I love Mugly.
Aug 18, 2009
I found this when I was fucking bored:
And then I decided to read the fucking article. And then there were the comments. Semantics dorks in all intellectual sincerity using the word fuck as much as possible. Fucking genius!
Here's some more info on swearing-- apparently it's good for you!
On a similar note, I vote to bring back the use of the word "dickweed" in everyday slang. Who's with me here?
I just want to hug them once. Just once. That's all I'm asking. Maybe have Michelle let me put my head on her shoulder for a bit. Air kisses?
Have I told you about my friend Sasha? She is awesome. She has cute clothes and a great smile and so far I love her parents.
Do you think the Obamas would consider putting her up for an open adoption? I would be happy to let them have supervised, long-term visits that include me going on vacation with them...
Aug 17, 2009
At approximately 5 minutes and 40 seconds Richard and Tracie venture into some seriously sexy territory: Blanche Marie Elizabeth Hollingsworth Devereaux followed by turtle humps shoe. Enjoy!
Aug 16, 2009
I have never, ever laughed this much in my entire life. Start on the last page to truly appreciate the beauty. Gary's control of the English language here is stunning, his creativity truly unparalled and his passion is certainly something to be admired. Please do give Gary the time he truly deserves, you bipolar, fockin conts.
This little ducky got a Jesus sandal for his birthday.
Aug 12, 2009
Photo Cliches has certainly caught on to something. I like any site that is sorted by category (note: mine is not. guess my feelings on that.)
I realize that. I will do my best to post things as I find them. But no longer sitting at a desk all day, where the only exercise I get is a few accidental kegel crunches, is crushing my blogging abilities. Also, I appear to have separated myself from the internet for a bit. Only because I have Minesweeper on my iphone and I am addicted.
Anyway, I'm back for a bit, and then I am not promising much from law school. But check back now and again and hopefully I will have some gems to share. Now don't cry little one, it will be alright, I promise...
Jul 31, 2009
I fucking hate Internet Explorer 8. Hate it. It will not let me copy photo URLs and therefore it is not pleasant trying to get a picture on this damn post. Fuck 'em! Here's the stupid link. Don't be lazy, just look at it. It's one of the best yet. Awkward Family Photos
I am a pacifist at heart, even though I have a love of boxing, road rage, and other violent things. I harbor disgust, horror and general diappointment at the ridiculous number of wars and other moments of machismo currently plaguing the world. That said, someone needs to kick these chicks' over-exposed asses. Thank you.
The latest war?
What does this mean for the world?
What can you do about it?
Oh god. Not sure if I posted these yet, but they are certainly worth a read. Attention Mr. Axl Rose: We did not feel welcome in the jungle. A letter to Elton John from the office of the NASA Administrator Marvin Gaye explains what he heard through the grapevine And more!
Jul 30, 2009
Jul 27, 2009
Jul 24, 2009
Jul 23, 2009
But I sure do love it.
http://wendiaarons.com/2007/03/as-seen-on-mcsweeneysnet.html Also, Kenny Loggins. http://wendiaarons.com/2007/03/kenny-loggins-must-die.html
Hi folks, It is nearly my last day of work so I will be clearing out all the bizarro bookmarks I have collected over my time here. This may be a day filled with lists of sites, or it may just mean I spend time posting things. You know as much as I do. In the meantime, enjoy this: http://www.talkingpointsmemo.com/news/2009/06/sex_scandal_flow_chart.php
Jul 22, 2009
Jul 21, 2009
Music reviews from old people. Let's look at Flo Rida and Gemini Wolf. http://woodshopfilms.com/index.php/breakfast-at-sulimays
Sarah Palin, you are a lovely, lovely lady. Your huntin' and fishin' skills rival no other political character's. Your folksy speech makes me want to hug you and place you in a rocking chair and rock you into outer space. Your love of nature begs me to drop you on an iceberg and see how you adapt. Thanks for everything! P.S. Sarah, Russia is calling, and it is asking you to get curtains so it does not have to see you and your frisky husband making more stupid named babies. P.P.S. Also, hire a better speech writer. Thanks! http://www.vanityfair.com/politics/features/2009/07/palin-speech-edit-200907?currentPage=1 That link is mostly just a visual masterpiece. As is this:
Jul 20, 2009
Jul 19, 2009
Jul 18, 2009
I mean, I knew the cigarette tax in NY was high, but this is outrageous. Lesley, perhaps you should move to New Hampshire. http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20090715/ap_on_fe_st/us_odd_quadrillion_dollar_debit P.S. Oh, and Lesley, where the fuck were the fireworks this year?!
Jul 12, 2009
One time a few of us decided to apply to be judges for the National Pie Contest. http://www.piecouncil.org/downloads/2009judgingapplication.pdf We were going to make up our own pie club so we would be qualified to apply. We did not start a pie club. We did not fill out the form. We did not get to judge. Sad story. The end.
Jul 10, 2009
Jul 9, 2009
It seems that I've read a lot about Detroit's problems lately. Fewer than 25% of Detroit's high school freshman will receive a diploma. The asthma rates rival those of the Bronx. And as the auto factories close up shop the unemployment rates are sky-rocketing and the abandoned, charred, and foreclosed homes are exacerbating what the NYT called "the death of a city."* That article last weekend was interesting and touching and really drove home (no pun intended) the culture of the auto plants and the how the African American residents of Detroit came to rely so heavily on the success of these plants. I sound like I'm back at Smith... Anyway, yesterday the NYT online published a brief blurb about this artist who has documented the abandoned houses within Detroit. The photos on his website are beautiful and simple and heartbreaking. There are no people involved, and often only the basic structure of the house remains. Definitely worth looking at. *Also, it spawned Eminem.
Jul 7, 2009
So is Kathy Griffin's mom. So Kathy get's everyone together at Sizzler for a grand ol' time. Here's the intro on Jezebel: http://jezebel.com/5309145/betty-white-eats-cheesecake-with-kathy-griffin-mom And here's the clip. Amazing.
Jul 6, 2009
Jul 4, 2009
Jul 2, 2009
This is horrible. An article in The Guardian discussing the different reactions the law, and those charged with the honor of carrying it out, have for people who murder their abusive spouses-- the difference between the treatment of men (the judge expresses sympathy for the man and admits that the victim "would have tried the patience of a saint") versus the treatment of women (asking her why she didn't just "walk out or go upstairs"). Disgusting. Interesting reading. http://jezebel.com/5302917/guardian-writer-no-justice-for-women-who-retaliate-against-their-abusers http://www.guardian.co.uk/lifeandstyle/2009/jun/26/women-kill-violent-partners-law
Jul 1, 2009
Jun 29, 2009
Check out this Pringles banner ad. For awhile I was confused by this link and got really upset when I couldn't finish the article on Ru Paul, but I guess the whole point is the ad... It's pretty funny, but some Ru Paul news would have been nice as well. Keep clicking on the Pringles picture. http://awardshome.com/cannes2009/pringles/can-hands.html
Jun 26, 2009
Dick Cheney is writing a memoir? CONTEST TIME! Apparently the Washington Post is looking to hear what you think the first paragraph of said memoir should be. One of the Gawker commentators pretty much should win the prize outright. Morninggloria writes: Call me Dickmael. Some years ago - never mind how long precisely - having little or no soul in my chest, and nothing particular to shoot in the face, I thought I would sail about a little and see the deserty, oil rich part of the world. And fucking kill the shit out of it.
Jun 25, 2009
Read the explanation below the picture, it is totally fascinating. And as hard as I try I can't get my brain to see that they are the same color. Amazing... http://blogs.discovermagazine.com/badastronomy/2009/06/24/the-blue-and-the-green/
I refuse to give a synopsis because I believe that in order to see the LIGHT you must read this in full. Feel free to highlight your favorite parts in the comments... the Gawker post. *Update: Here is our good friend's business website. For someone who can be so clear and direct about what he wants in a lady he sure as hell won't tell me much about his "AngelBase" system. It's almost like he is teasing me, trying to make my "sacred donation" of $540 so much more meaningful. This kind of suspense must be what he was referencing in his goddess ad when he said this: He teases her hard and relentlessly, which makes her laugh uncontrollably. The sound of his voice, his words, his appearance, the way he looks at her, his powerful mind, his radiant heart, his intense sexuality, his confidence, his poise, and his very presence.... weaken her knees, fill her stomach with butterflies, send shivers up her spine, make her heart pound, overwhelm her with desire, and make her VERY wet. She cannot help but surrender herself to him, melting naked into his arms, whereupon he worships her as a Goddess.... he is the priest, she is his altar. She becomes the Goddess he is worshipping... Maybe I should stop reading this at work...
Jun 24, 2009
I have exactly one month of work left before I head into the great unknown of law school. That's super. Except that I cannot bring myself to be at all productive anymore. Five minute projects take approx 3.5 hours and anything that is not urgent is not going to get done. Period. This is a bad attitude and since I am such a ridiculous "good girl" this whole new half-assed attitude feels totally rebellious. It's like I've gone all Elizabeth Berkley and am no longer Jessie Spano on speed, and instead am embarking on a new career as a failed semi-porn movie star who also has guest appearances on the L-Word. Sweet. Anyway, be prepared for some serious internet distractions ahead. I have gotten so lost in the web that is world-wide that I have managed to wander onto some "bad mommy" blogs (I REALLY needed to know about raising autistic kids this morning, apparently), some drunken tirades about neighborhood crime (lock your doors, idiots), and have also discovered such a thing as a "pooper clip holder" (it's art, you're confused). Feel free to figure that one out on your own... Also, I have learned my lesson. Do not look up "bad girl" on Google images. You end up with something like this: It is not a pleasant thing. Or maybe it is... Elizabeth Berkley is that you?
Jun 23, 2009
This was an amazing post. The photos are of sex workers around the world. The captions are worth a read. (This is safe for work, by the way) http://jezebel.com/5300330/sex-workers-are-different---similar-+-the-world-over/gallery/
Clearly an excellent year for (groinal) fashion. http://jezebel.com/5301311/crotch+watching-with-1991-international-male/gallery/?selectedImage=1