Gillette Goes That Far

The following video encourages men to "trim the bush to make the tree look taller". No, I'm not kidding.

So...

Apparently there are big ol' denials that the Abu Ghraib photos include acts of rape. (Or perhaps, if you are so inclined, "rape.") That's all fine and dandy. Everyone has an opinion on the whole thing, and we are probably guaranteed to never know the truth, and all is still well in the world... Megan, on Jezebel, had an interesting post in reaction to crazy lady Susannah Breslin's take on the whole situation. In her post, Breslin says such totally harmless things as a) these pictures will probably give hard-ons to the whole country because there is genitalia involved (happy early birthday, America!), b) they are pornographic (see Megan's response to that-- it is amazing), and c) (though not in so many words) because these are pictures of rape-in-quotation-marks, then those pics that depict non-penis rape are probably not rape at all! This is an excellent theory, Susannah! And I would just like to end by saying, congrats survivors of non-phallus rape, you were never even raped! And I bet you didn't even know that! http://jezebel.com/5272167/administration-denies-reports-that-abu-ghraib-photos-depict-rape http://www.doublex.com/blog/xxfactor/abu-ghraib-photos-we-cant-bear-see

I can't help it. Another one:

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I brake for sparkly vampires.

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Who doesn't?

This made me laugh. The rest of the post is pretty lame. But this was worth posting http://listoftheday.blogspot.com/2009/05/motivational-posters-of-day-vol-13.html

Greatest Protest Sign Ever

http://jezebel.com/5271868/rabbit-at-jest

There is nothing else to say:

WHAT THE FUCK, AMERICA?! Seriously. If you have a weak stomach, do not read this article. Mine is churning. http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/worldnews/northamerica/usa/5395830/Abu-Ghraib-abuse-photos-show-rape.html Rape, really? Documented, really? This whole thing is disgusting and just keeps getting worse. I hope those violent, heartless, power-tripping pansies get their well earned punishment. I do not want to see the photos. Releasing them seems like a horrible idea, if only to protect the victims. The old batch looked like something out of Saw XXI, or whatever the latest torture/horror movie is, and this new batch is just beginning to sound like a snuff film... "I am not sure what purpose their release would serve other than a legal one..." Yes, a legal purpose. Each and every one of torturers-- not just the scapegoats-- AND their superiors better be investigated and tried like any American citizen would be.

FOTN will BRB. LOL.

I have two screens on my computer at work and for some reason that makes me feel all 1980s powerful and when I am bored and feeling shitty sometimes I like to pretend that I am the kid from Flight of the Navigator (FOTN) and that I am running my spaceship/cubicle through the garage door at the secret government agency that is holding me and my menagerie of aliens hostage. That was one kooky movie. How come there aren't FOTN characters running around the Disney theme parks? Why discriminate against aliens? WHY IS THERE NOT A FOTN RIDE AT DISNEY?!!?! Or a themed restaurant that has the little computer dude swing down and take your order? Why, Disney, WHY? Anyway, this is what this post was supposed to be about: http://perezhilton.com/2009-05-26-navigator-will-launch-again Also, the new script is being written by Brad Copeland, a writer for Arrested Development. This is either horribly bad news (if there aren't any illusions, then the shit is going to hit the fan, Brad) or it is totally awesome. Unclear which. I guess I will just have to wait and find out... This remake better be good or else my spaceship/cubicle is coming to get you, Disney!

The War on Hugs

Special target: The Bromance http://www.nytimes.com/2009/05/28/style/28hugs.html?_r=1&hp

Ahahah! Wuggies!

http://jezebel.com/5271399/coming-soon-weezer+brand-snuggies

Cheesus

From InTouch Magazine via Jezebel... http://jezebel.com/5271423/this-week-in-tabloids-brad--angie-fight-in-public-jon--kate-kids-suffer

Puzzle time!

Sometimes I might fight with people over what color things are. Sometimes I know they are wrong and the rest of the time I know I am right. This proves it. http://www.spectralcolor.com/game/huetest_kiosk

Creative Advertising

Well, this looks both silly and innocent. Sort of like, haha the Army decided to get a sense of humor! Riiiight. Actually, it turns out that the phone number 1-800-ARMY-OF1 does have a sense of humor, it's just slightly different than the one you might expect... http://jalopnik.com/5264612/brooklyn-lost-tank-flier-actually-sex-line-scam

Tiny Art Director

Amazingness. This guy lets his little daughter tell him what to draw. And then he does it. And then she critiques it as only a 4-year old could. tinyartdirector.blogspot.com For instance, this is the text that accompanies this picture: The Brief: A barking dog The Critique: No Daddy! I didn't ask you to sit down! Go out of this room right now daddy! Job Status: Rejected

You know what's gross?

Shockers, nee Shock Tarts. That's what. How did I used to eat these all the time? So nasty. Why did I eat the entire roll for breakfast? I think I have a problem...

The Doughman

Ironman be damned, I think I am well on my way to winning this competition. http://doughman.pratt.duke.edu/2009_race_details Oh wow. There is a training schedule. A one month, compact training schedule. Here is the suggested schedule for Week 3:

MWF -- Eat french toast and fruit for breakfast. Jog 1.5 miles. Take bath, work on windmill technique in front of mirror.

TTh -- Eat sandwich and chips for lunch. Jog around the office building 3 times. Nap.

Sat -- Eat large protein- and carb-heavy dinner, run 1.5 miles. Eat cake and ice cream for dessert. Run 1 mile.

Sun -- Eat brunch. Re-pump tires. Bike 30 minutes. Practice following traffic laws. Eat snack. Bike another 30 minutes.

Giggles and blowjobs!

What Does "Power Bottom" Mean? from Pot Psychology on Vimeo.

Cake or Death?

For the Eddie Izzard fans: Cake or Death, NOW WITH LEGOS!!

jesus

Let's talk about anxiety. I'm struggling with that anyway today and then I come to find this out: On Tuesday, the California Supreme Court will issue its ruling in our Prop 8 legal challenge. And now I want to curl up in a ball until 10am (CA time) and eat my anxieties away with a pint of Phish Food and some chicken fingers. God, this better turn out well. I was feeling some sort of love for some of the citizens of America. Don't fuck this up, California!

Happy Pi Friday!