An Appetite for Distraction: June 2009

Jun 29, 2009

This is Smith College

Advertising can actually be fun

Check out this Pringles banner ad. For awhile I was confused by this link and got really upset when I couldn't finish the article on Ru Paul, but I guess the whole point is the ad... It's pretty funny, but some Ru Paul news would have been nice as well. Keep clicking on the Pringles picture. http://awardshome.com/cannes2009/pringles/can-hands.html

Jun 26, 2009

Contest Time!

Dick Cheney is writing a memoir? CONTEST TIME! Apparently the Washington Post is looking to hear what you think the first paragraph of said memoir should be. One of the Gawker commentators pretty much should win the prize outright. Morninggloria writes: Call me Dickmael. Some years ago - never mind how long precisely - having little or no soul in my chest, and nothing particular to shoot in the face, I thought I would sail about a little and see the deserty, oil rich part of the world. And fucking kill the shit out of it.

Talking babies make tv ok

Today some babies taught me about stocks and bonds.

Jun 25, 2009

From Liz

Read the explanation below the picture, it is totally fascinating. And as hard as I try I can't get my brain to see that they are the same color. Amazing... http://blogs.discovermagazine.com/badastronomy/2009/06/24/the-blue-and-the-green/

Awkward Family Photos

This is the latest and greatest. These kids are trendsetters!

http://awkwardfamilyphotos.com/

The single most amazing thing on the internet.

I refuse to give a synopsis because I believe that in order to see the LIGHT you must read this in full. Feel free to highlight your favorite parts in the comments...

http://www.findingmygoddess.com/

But, if you need an abridged version, feel free to check out the Gawker post. *Update: Here is our good friend's business website. For someone who can be so clear and direct about what he wants in a lady he sure as hell won't tell me much about his "AngelBase" system. It's almost like he is teasing me, trying to make my "sacred donation" of $540 so much more meaningful. This kind of suspense must be what he was referencing in his goddess ad when he said this: He teases her hard and relentlessly, which makes her laugh uncontrollably. The sound of his voice, his words, his appearance, the way he looks at her, his powerful mind, his radiant heart, his intense sexuality, his confidence, his poise, and his very presence.... weaken her knees, fill her stomach with butterflies, send shivers up her spine, make her heart pound, overwhelm her with desire, and make her VERY wet. She cannot help but surrender herself to him, melting naked into his arms, whereupon he worships her as a Goddess.... he is the priest, she is his altar. She becomes the Goddess he is worshipping... Maybe I should stop reading this at work...

Phew

Someone has finally figured out how to tame those homos-- and just in time for Pride too!

Jun 24, 2009

Anagrams are excellent

Here is a fun way to play with them. http://wordsmith.org/anagram/index.html

Stupid Nail Polish Names

A tirade about, obviously, the stupid names of nail polish colors. Liz, though you surely don't read this blog, this is for you! http://stupidnailpolishnames.blogspot.com/

Senioritis

I have exactly one month of work left before I head into the great unknown of law school. That's super. Except that I cannot bring myself to be at all productive anymore. Five minute projects take approx 3.5 hours and anything that is not urgent is not going to get done. Period. This is a bad attitude and since I am such a ridiculous "good girl" this whole new half-assed attitude feels totally rebellious. It's like I've gone all Elizabeth Berkley and am no longer Jessie Spano on speed, and instead am embarking on a new career as a failed semi-porn movie star who also has guest appearances on the L-Word. Sweet. Anyway, be prepared for some serious internet distractions ahead. I have gotten so lost in the web that is world-wide that I have managed to wander onto some "bad mommy" blogs (I REALLY needed to know about raising autistic kids this morning, apparently), some drunken tirades about neighborhood crime (lock your doors, idiots), and have also discovered such a thing as a "pooper clip holder" (it's art, you're confused). Feel free to figure that one out on your own... Also, I have learned my lesson. Do not look up "bad girl" on Google images. You end up with something like this:

It is not a pleasant thing. Or maybe it is... Elizabeth Berkley is that you?

Jun 23, 2009

Sex Workers Worldwide

This was an amazing post. The photos are of sex workers around the world. The captions are worth a read. (This is safe for work, by the way) http://jezebel.com/5300330/sex-workers-are-different---similar-+-the-world-over/gallery/

International Male, 1991

Clearly an excellent year for (groinal) fashion. http://jezebel.com/5301311/crotch+watching-with-1991-international-male/gallery/?selectedImage=1

Photobomb

This is Photobomb. This is awesome. All kinds of photo ruiners...

Jun 22, 2009

Big girls can sometimes cry.

Weird and awkward and gay-ish. Richard Simmons swears and acts even more odd than one may have suspected. Did this man have a variety show at one point? When? And most importantly, why?

Feminism comes to Forks

Jun 20, 2009

Dogs, Lies and Veterinarians

Drams to be the White House dog! http://gawker.com/5297306/barack-obama-is-lying-to-you-about-his-puppy

Jun 19, 2009

Idiots

So apparently some moronic congressman equated the twittering about the Iranian elections to the twittering the Republicans did when they got pissed at Nancy Pelosi. People did not like that. Hilarity ensued.

An example: mattortega RT @petehoekstra Walked out onto Constitution Ave in D.C. and was almost hit by a taxi. Reminded me of Tienanmen Square. But wait, there's more! http://nymag.com/daily/intel/2009/06/twitter_unleashes_deluge_of_sa.html

Jun 18, 2009

Separate but equal

I covered cats. Now let's look at dogs.

Yep.

Why do I love these so much?

Flashmobs are amazing. I think the sheer diversity of the people is what kills me. As do Hammer pants...

Nice work.

People are awesome. So are their tattoos. http://ugliesttattoos.com/

Jun 17, 2009

Sometimes I blog for another site...

http://www.sorryimissedyourparty.com/2009/06/oh-hello.html

Better late than never...

Auto-Tune the News #4

Fallen Princesses

These are amazing. http://www.jpgmag.com/stories/11918

Ninja President!

He may be an asshole to the homos, but he sure would make a good exterminator. http://gawker.com/5293031/barack-obama-fly+killing-badass

Oh Holy Jesus

It's just too meta for me...

An open letter to Joan Jett and Fake Joan Jett

Oh, hi Joan Jett. You're pretty fun. Because of you I would often like to rock and roll all night and party every day. I really would. But sometimes, for instance, when I am a 28 year old vampire loving pile of snarkiness, I would prefer to listen to folk music all night and sleep all day. It just seems right.

While that may be my personal issue, good ol' KStew over here seems to be conflicted. I realize that she is actually adding the character of Joan Jett to her short little acting career, so I refuse to comment on the mullet issue, but what's with the bags under the eyes? Seriously, woman, they say Preparation H helps with that. I think RuPaul told me that on some drag queen makeover show once. You should try it. I will even buy it for you if you are too embarrassed. And if it takes your pissy face and makes it emanate RPatz love again then it will certainly be worth it. All you have to do is ask. Here, the Fug Girls have something to say about you as well. This is what sparked my concern. For future reference and further advice, you might want to check in with them now and again. P.S. Real Joan Jett, Although you are only slightly younger than my mom, you are f-ing hot. Just keep that in mind. P.P.S. Fake Joan Jett, it is unclear why, but you annoy the shit out of me. Hold on tight spider monkey while I kick your ass...

Jun 16, 2009

A song a day keeps the bloggers away...

This dude posts a song he wrote every day on YouTube and this is the result. I can't promise they are all entertaining as I have only listened to Number 77, "Hey Paul Krugman," embedded here.

Jun 15, 2009

My Milk Toof

What is My Milk Toof? Baby teeth going on adventures. Duh! http://mymilktoof.blogspot.com/

Jun 11, 2009

American Wars/Conflicts as played by foodstuffs

If you get sick of figuring out who is who, here is a cheat sheet: http://www.touristpictures.com/foodfight/cheat.htm

DNA Evidence Frees Black Man Convicted of Bear Attack

DNA Evidence Frees Black Man Convicted Of Bear Attack

The Muppet/30 Rock Conspiracy Theory

http://bloglynch.blogspot.com/2009/06/30-rock-is-rip-off-of-muppet-show.html

Jun 10, 2009

We are this close

to a Saved by the Bell reunion. Someone call Kelly Kapowski and Screech.

Chatty Cathy

I think she's reciting "Four score and seven years ago...."

Jun 9, 2009

My go-to for five minute breaks

Ridiculously hard. Ridiculously time-wasting. Ridiculously fun. 50 clues to 50 films within the last 20 years are hidden in the painting. Some are easy-- like Happy Feet-- and a lot are frustratingly hard. Enjoy! http://www.empireonline.com/crypticcanvas/

I got you a present.

It's a fucked up tiger.

Jun 4, 2009

Look what I found!

Single, conservative people, rejoice! Find yourself a good Republican lady! Find yourself that Madonna/whore you've been looking for! Want a virgin? This might just be the place! Check it out: http://web1.hannity.com/hannidate/ I found this through this comment on Jezebel. Check out the posting too. I haven't watched the video but I feel like it might be NSFW. Just saying... http://jezebel.com/5278812/conservatives-just-the-people-you-want-in-charge-of-your-sex-life?t=13350887#c13350887

As Emily mentioned

"It's like a bad '70s sitcom. Everyone just shrugs their shoulders and says, 'Oh, China!'" Cue laugh track and then fade to commercial... http://gawker.com/5278749/chinas-confirms-nothing-happened-20-years-ago-today

I don't quite get it

But this is funny. A friend (Kristina) is in the catalog. http://www.humantoys.net/index.html

700 wives + 300 concubines = 1000 vaginas!

Probably the best gay marriage video ever.

Please Tell Me You Tivo-ed This

Another reason to love Will Ferrell...

and for this: http://nymag.com/daily/fashion/2009/05/will_ferrell_launches_sunscree.html

Jun 3, 2009

Impatiently Waiting for My Caviar

http://tweetingtoohard.com/

Jun 2, 2009

Also

Just to reiterate, look at how cute that chimp is two posts down. Adorable. I want to roll in the grass with it in a non-sexual nature and just enjoy being a biped with opposable thumbs and I want to hug a hot, accented, Jane Goodall dude like the baby monkeyfaces in the video. Find me a chimp friend. And find it now. Thanks.

Fug You, Spider Monkey!

I mostly just love this rant for the editor's note at the bottom. But also because it is cranky at Kristen Stewart, and who isn't cranky at Kristen Stewart, that broody bitch? http://gofugyourself.celebuzz.com/go_fug_yourself/2009/06/mtv_awards_kristen_stewart.html