Twitter is dumb.

But this is funny. If Odysseus had a Twitter feed, this is what it would look like: http://www.holytaco.com/if-homers-odyssey-was-written-twitter

That explains everything

http://freakonomics.blogs.nytimes.com/2009/04/03/if-youre-reading-this-at-work/ No wonder I'm so awesome at making binders.

This is stuck in my head.

Why? I don't know...

Cute.

Super cute. I hate them. http://cuteandcuter.tumblr.com/ From Sara.

Interesting.

This is when I love Jezebel. Read it bitches, so you know. So, I guess there was a bill passed (or about to be) in Oklahoma that gives a woman the right to defend her fetus, as she would herself, against an attacker. Some people were rightfully concerned that this would redefine a fetus as a living being (it has happened before), and therefore be able to define abortion as murder. Anyway, this bill seems to be pretty airtight (though I'm saying that as an ignorant person who just read a blog) and in fact never mentions the fetus as a human being, instead referring to it as a fetus throughout. Bad news for the whole abortion is murder lovers. Maybe you should go spend your time worrying about your own freaky little children... What is with the Midwest being all progressive and shit?!

Well, this is good news

http://thinkprogress.org/2009/04/05/iraq-execute-gays/

Recovery

Hi guys, I ate a lot this weekend. And it is well documented, which is both awesome and also slightly frightening. I also shopped way too much but have new glasses and new fancy sunglasses and new jeans as trophies, so that's nice. Also-- and this encompasses the last two sentences into one neat little bundle-- I discovered a stash of Reese's Peanut Butter Eggs at the Rite Aids in my neighborhood. I have been on a mission to find these fuckers everywhere and, as Jess can attest, the two Duane Reades near work do not have them. It has been horrible. Anyway, I stocked up on the eggs and am beginning to fear that my supplies are dwindling and will have to go back for some more tonight. They are like the best things ever made and a totally different experience than regular pb cups, which kind of suck, to be honest. I attribute it to the chocolate-peanut butter ratio. Others may disagree, but they are stupid. I wait all year for these, I am not kidding you and it really made me sad when I couldn't find them for so long. Anyway, problem solved. Off to work in the rain. This gives you absolutely nothing to entertain you, I realize, but it sure does help the fact that I had the compulsion to chat with someone this morning, and the people on the train are probably very grateful for this blog...

Happy 200th post!

That scares me. Anyway.... Here's a super cool video that I first saw on Gawker. Apparently the artist, Keith Loutit, used some sort of filming technique to make everything except the scenery look tiny. The results are really cool. Enjoy.
Bathtub IV from Keith Loutit on Vimeo.

Observations!

In taking a glance at past posts I realize that I have been using an extraordinary amount of exclamation points in my titles lately. For that I sort of apologize. I realize some people have an aversion to this over excited pock in the relatively bland world of punctuation, but I, myself, have grown to love and accept the silly little thing. Way back when I was a depressed and angsty teenager I would NEVER have been caught dead using an exclamation point, unless out of anger (so, let's be honest, I probably used a lot of them...). Now, as a pretty happy, mostly goofy adult I appear to have decided to let them tag along like my newly adopted sister or something. Mostly I think they are fun and make things much more expressive and I guess that's probably why they were invented to begin with. Very smart, Dead People, very smart! The end!

Take that, morons!

Yay for Republican-appointed judges who appear to be shifting to the dark side... http://gawker.com/5197623/republican+appointed-judges-keep-legalizing-the-gay-marriage (Look at the links in their post-- I am too tired to post them to mine)

Target: Women!

I love you Sarah Haskins! Also I love hamburgers! What I do not love is the fact that this fucker won't embed properly. guergneagerohmmoafeinoviow v te Here, click here. She is super funny. Even if her fucking link won't work. Let me help you understand that by sharing a quote: "Yesterday I went to get a milkshake and ended up giving someone a handjob!" That is what is in store for you. Pretty much you should just assume that nothing I have on this damn blog has language that is safe for work. The same goes for this video. Longest link EVER! I win!

Listen, fuckers!

Don't even bother reading this blog if you have never seen a full episode of Arrested Development. Seriously. I will give you a head start, but you are on your own from here... (Keep in mind that until you actually watch the show, half of these jokes are not funny... Jesus Christ, it's on hulu.com, you have absolutely no excuse!)

Why, thank you!

This is one of many examples of excellent (cunty) exam answers that have been "collected" on some website Emily sent me. Now, I do not believe in a million years that 3/4 of them are real, but I do find them funny. Enjoy! http://www.kontraband.co.uk/pics/16714/Funny-Exam-Papers/?gpage=3#show

BITCH vs. CUNT, Take Two

A few years back a bunch of us got into an argument about whether bitch or cunt is more derogatory towards women. That was fun. And led to this awesome drunken idea: Now apparently the youngsters (I seriously just typed "cuntsters"...) at the Harvey Milk School have sort of reclaimed the word cunt for themselves and turned into the best fucking slang I have ever heard. Pay attention here, Cunt = cool, awesome, excellent, etc. As in, "Gee, blowing Peeps up in the microwave is CUNTY!" Or perhaps, "Roger, you're so CUNTY, would you like to go to prom?" Or even, "Damn son! That jacket is CUNT!" As the dude who works at the Milk school and also wrote the article says, I wish I lived in a world where cunt only meant beautiful. But at least I get to visit that world occasionally. And damn is it cunty.

Seriously. Armegeddon. Not the movie.

Not quite a BWS, but this dykey fleece vest/child abuse contraption is certainly contributing to the downfall of humankind. I mean, the kid just popped out of your vagina, does s/he really want to reenact that every single time you decide to venture out to Park Slope? Seriously? Think of the therapy bills! Dinosaurs, is this what happened to you? First came the blankets with sleeves which certainly pissed off the T-Rex dudes-- big head, little arms, and long, long sleeves! And then suddenly the fancy Brontosauruses (Brontosauri?) had their babies all swathed up backwards popoose style on their chests with only their heads popping, each baby with a somewhat dazed look on its face that just screamed "HOLY SHIT WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH THIS LADY?! THIS WAS AMUSING FOR EXACTLY 12 SECONDS, BUT NO ONE GAVE YOU PERMISSION TO STEP OUTSIDE THE HOUSE. LADY. LADY! LADY! WHERE DO YOU THINK YOU'RE GOING? Oh god, I'm never going to live this one down. Nevermind, I'm just going to curl up here and spend my time kicking you in the spleen and hopefully no one will notice the fact that I look like I'm in some sort of low budget horror film of the cerebral variety. Ugh." And then the T-Rex characters got all jealous and it was an all out fleece blanket outfit war and yep, you get the point. Lesson #1: Dinosaurs could have done better by sticking with bathrobes. Lesson #2: If you even think this product is a good idea then you are too fucking retarded to be allowed to have a child. And just kill yourself now so I don't ever have to run into you on the street and call Child Protective Services, because don't even begin to think that I won't. The end. Dan Matza-Brown, I'm not sure thanks is exactly the right sentiment I want to express regarding your link, but I've got nothing else, so, thanks!

WWJJD

When faced with the Real Housewives of New York, what would Judge Judy do? Let's find out... http://jezebel.com/5194344/comic-confrontations-judge-judy-vs-the-real-housewives-of-new-york

Late Edition

From Shawn.

ROAD TRIP!

Who wants to go to Montreal? http://www.stripspellingbee.blogspot.com/

Follow Up

If you were at all confused by the spider monkey reference in our Academy Award Winning short posted below, then let me present you with a really well-filmed clip of the part of the movie we were reenacting. Admit it, our version is WAY more entertaining.

omfg i have never laughed this much in my life

Ok, so I went to Sara and Matt's for tacos and Twilight tonight. That movie is freaking amazing. Seriously. I would watch it in a loop forever until my eyes turned red like the random pirate-vampire who turns good or something. (ROBERT PATTINSON YOU ARE SO SPARKLY AND CUTE!) Anyway... The three of us decided a really good idea would be to make our own version of Twilight, starring this handsome man as Edward Cullen : And this mysterious lady as Boring Chick Number One (Bella): This is what their passionate human/vampire/Mormon romance might look like (notice the moral tension between what they want and what they can't have. Sigh.): Focus, Hannah, focus. DRUM ROLL PLEASE! Presenting the world premiere of TWILIGHT: DOGGY STYLE!! http://sharing.theflip.com/session/45ae3ba36d3ab0259987bb9a28e6b05b/video/3612722 Please keep in mind that Ramona weighs just shy of 30 lbs and is not easy to lift. Making her seem as light and graceful as we did takes some talent. Just saying...